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[RPDR 5 - Episode 3 Recap] Are You Afraid Of The Shade?


I could see how you’d feel that way.

Editor’s Note - RPDR sometimes goes blurry on my computer so the screencaps are blurry at moments, forgive me.

Damn Queerty using the the title I already had planned. It’s what I get for waiting to your reading schedule, children.


Surprise! Serena is gone and Monica has declared her ultra-special-top-secret-secret to everyone so we need a new thing to be a tizzy about. It’s back to the Coco and Alyssa arc for 80s soap drama, rhinestones and all.

For the most part I can’t call sides yet since we only have superficial details in the aftermath. Admittedly, I related to Alyssa in Coco wanting to start something and then couldn’t finish it. It reminded me of this girl who borrowed Frank McCourt’s 'Tis from me, because I was a sad child, and returned it without mentioning her younger brother drew all over it & tore out pages. I hadn’t confronted her but when she came to me, I asked her to buy me a new book. The girl broke down in tears in front of everyone and lamented how sorry she was to make me look like a tyrant when she in fact had made the mistake.

Granted that situation was different but Alyssa had no intention of bringing anything up, but when she tried to make her argument Coco suddenly brought in the head nods and waterworks. It was childish. It doesn’t help that she decided to throw unnecessary shade in the mini challenge, but wasn’t it just delightful anyway? If we wanted to see girls get along we’d watch Santino’s old show with Austin Scarlett.

Mini Challenge:


Smile for mama, you’ll be doing this for police lineups soon.

This was a cute little amuse bouche to the episode. Coco seemed to think Alyssa was modeling the doll after her (which she probably was) but I doubt she meant “former Miss America” in the 10 minute lap sense.

It’s always strange when queens go the “serious” route, why would anyone want to see real pageant girls unless they get Logo in prison? Of course beauty is welcomed but you can’t rely on something to be funny that is already a joke.

Luckily Alaska knew exactly what they wanted and picked the camp route as well as a partner who had immunity and was just in it for the close ups.

I hope for the future makeover real people challenge, it’ll be pageant boys. If they thought the dog dress up was a bitch last season, just wait until they deal with the boys’ mothers who are clearly trying to raise their sons as drag divas.

Main Event:


The Mightyyy Buuuush/come, away with me

Alyssa Edwards was the dirty girl in the yard this week during kickball picks, though again decisions based on personality rather than talent. Of course she didn’t enjoy having an ugly character and the team resented that she didn’t like a decision made for her.

Honey Mahogany's motherly mellow personality was not reining in Coco's dissatisfaction with “not being the star.” If she'd ever seen an episode of Will & Grace she’d know everyone really watches for the side characters and the main character is about providing continuity. Or even any ventriloquist show ever. The fact their routine was so bad that Michelle had to pity clap, oof, felt that heartbreak.

As suspected, Lineysha is not a comedy queen but was just in the right part at the right time last week because this week she clearly didn’t give a goddamn. Her wig at least paid tribute to Miss Yvonne, although that was more a coincidence than anything. Her runway outfit was fug, she’s like Tyra Sanchez played by Jessica Wild.

I actually really liked Ivy's challenge outfit considering her previous wares of “unconventional” materials (i.e. high school fashion student who watches Project Runway) were not so polished. It channeled the 90s DIY children’s show aesthetic perfectly.


Did anyone else go “huh?” when Detox won this challenge? Aside from the aspect that she wasn’t getting a winner’s edit. I enjoyed there was Raven in her chicken but l wasn’t blown enough to start handing out scholarships. At first, I agreed with Paulina and knew she was going for that Elizabethan burlesque but it just looked like that mom on our block who won’t stop doing Top Model poses at the local pizza joint. It did look slightly better when I watched the Untucked. But her outfit was streets ahead of Jinkx's craft table Antoinette and as we all know about RPDR, it's fashion over poise-nality.  Once I re-watched I came to terms with the decision, she was one of the few that made a joke and a good one.

Usually the judges have been resistant to more alternative genderfuck drag which I never agree with, but I understood what they meant about Alaska. I enjoyed that Pee Wee meets Beaver Clever (seriously, nobody made that easy reference?) but she probably should’ve had the influence of a little boy wearing his version of drag: a plastic princess tiara, put waves in her hair and wore a purple overall dress. Then she probably wouldn’t have been called out and might even have won. It was an acting challenge but as Jade said, within the confines of drag, not them as an actors. 

Roxxxy looked sweet and her makeup right thought the proportions in the bust line was a tad bulky (the fabric, not her breasts.) There was just so much pink on the runway and the same tones of it that my eyes got tired, not sure if the looks warrant further discussion. Feel free to leave feedback if you disagree or find my evaluating necessary, I highly doubt it’ll be missed.

Ru brought it this week on the runway though the lighting kind of dresstroyed the details of the garment. The hair shape was a bit awkward, mixing up the texture a bit more due to the harsh lighting probably would create better definition.

We learned that Ice-T’s wife is apparently on a one name basis which seems like setting the standard low. Don’t get me wrong, adore her, any woman who posts a photo of her sexy posing while her sister is hysterically giving birth in a wading pool is my kind of lady. Let’s just assume the audience knows which Coco I’ve been talking about in context at all times.

At least Santino got a cute remark in, you can do it Hat-tie Jacques! (I’m desperate for a pun at this point, submit at your leisure in comments section.)



I know it’s a drag staple, but ugh Pussycat Dolls. Personal preference again, I know. The young people do not want to just hear Cher and Aretha songs forever. (But I do.) However this is one of those songs to bring epilepsy realness, as in don’t have any iron and actually convulse on stage like Robin Williams in a thunderstorm.

Coco’s creepy Virgin Shirley Temple quickly grew up into Mouseketeer Britney on the rocks which was wise, due to the overt sexuality of the song. She knew to turn it on and Monica did the general moves from last week which didn’t work to her advantage.

At least Monica walked away cuter, even if her mismatched bra straps were exposed and was serving up forehead.


Jade proves she could get a pink box clue, ask her former straight boyfriend. Ivy proves, however, she still doesn’t know anybody’s names or get wordplay.

Normally Untucked is almost the best part but all the she-said she-said business of vague recollection was kind of tedious. The reveal is losing more steam. Wasn’t motivated to rewind, sorry.


- The JLo Wishes Foundation: Bringing Bedazzled Apple Bottoms and caramel weaves to all the children in need.

- Can we STOP the emotional declarations on the runway? The catwalk is a happy place, darling. Plus none of these reveals are all that hidden.



- Vivienne Pinay looked EXACTLY like Jujubee in Country only regular hair and duller attitude. Hell this whole episode was the Country Queens episode without accents and the dolls were bigger.

- Though Jade Jolie seems like she’d detest children like every almost-stepmother Jane Sibbett has ever played, her voice and stature seems so appropriate.

- I was surprised how on point Paulina was considering she’s usually such a sleeper on ANTM. As a model, she knows all about stealing the spotlight in a group so Coco [Montrese] better not make Vegas excuses or she’ll have to Shannel her way out.

- Why didn’t they have Pee Wee Herman or Julie Brown as judges? Paulina doesn’t talk to children outside of work and Coco is banned from being near them. Just someone who understood that sort of alternative young culture they were aiming for.

- Obviously they planned the runway for Valentine’s Day broadcast but they could’ve had shades of red or bluish pinks or something. The colors are unexpected for drag which could’ve worked in one queen’s favor to actually stand out.

If you want to read my recap of last week’s episode:

Or RPDR’s Basic Bitch Guide to Performance Art:

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