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[RPDR 5 - Episode 2 Recap] Lip Smackers

Since I tricked some RPDR fans into reading, I figured (begrudgingly) that I might as well do a recap. Normally I try to be diplomatic but I’ll have to be harsh this kind of show, but know there are things I’m holding back. And I love you all, darlings. Cop out preface done.


It was refreshing to not have to skip through the usual recap reel about the prizes, keep mixing up the formatting RPDR editors so you don’t become ANTM. When Serena was trying to be all cute and “you guys wanted me here, right?… right?…” it was the equivalent of a homeless dude offering pamphlets and a handjob on the train, everyone was looking away because they didn’t have a quarter or a god. So comforting.

The new Heathers of the season decided to define themselves early while they had their t-shirt printers ready with stencils. Why do people suddenly need to become conjoined siblings and give us the afterbirth of their conjunctive name? Rolaskatox was trying a little harder than our mouths are willing to catch up to. It’s like people and their followers on twitter, just say “fans”, we already know your name and don’t need to be involved in a practice for Justin Bieber lovers.


Ru found another way to seamlessly hock his music (well, as subtle as tattooing “now on itunes” on his youthful forehead) into the challenge. It’s fantastic to still be surprised by such smart challenges that relate to drag as well as continue reference of reality tv competitions and reverence to a good ‘ol fashioned tacky gay humor. As Tom and Lorenzo bring up in their recaps, it can’t all be “it gets better” and hetero-normative couples of the federation, we need to keep some Charles Nelson Reilly and a little gloryhole here or there.

RuPaul threw Serena ChaCha a bone, er, cake lollipop and picked her for technical finesse, Detox for spunk (I swear this isn’t intentional) and Ivy Winters for… I don’t know, even lip application. There were a lot of mouths on screen at once, l wonder how Ru was able to do it in between twerking.

The challenge though. I seriously couldn’t even figure out what was happening or the challenge itself until judging. It was a lot of stuff going on, especially since we saw that extra stage performance in the untucked that literally never gets mentioned in judging or beyond that clip. The self referencing was little boring, when Lypsinka does it in her act it’s more in the vein of Joan Crawford, doing music and the old Hollywood acting that could be done from a single expression. So watching the girls act like hamsters on cocaine (i.e. any season of Bad Girl’s Club) was sometimes more jarring than humorous.

The runway/group performances:


Team Ivy Winters - Not sure I agree with this group win. I suppose as an overall group they had the most harmony between knowing their lines and being dramatic.

I’m guessing RuPaul just wanted to make sure that Lineysha Sparx a got a win this time before she headbutted the cast with her wig out of revenge.  I know she’s one of the fishier queens but her makeup comes off a little more outlined than it should be (she’s already got a killer canvas as it is.) She did a great job so no qualms with this individual win.

When Honey Mahogany disclosed she thought she had it in the bag this week, I admittedly scoffed openly. I mean, you did a’ight girl, but just okay. Tape them tities on tight next time, they’re not low riders (although they are.)

Vivienne Pinay did a spot on Tatiana with all the hair-grabbing as well as aptitude of lip sync. Though girl? Stop just being that cute girl at the club, turn it out on the catwalk.

Ivy was okay albeit too understated, though didn’t her Morgan McMichaels look more Dynasty than anything else? I did love her runway jungle starlet look though the wings and stilts were incongruent with the dress, a little Carnivàle porch decor, next time just make them stylized trees with carvings in them or hot glue some glitter, it’s all good.  Interesting that this circus trick was okay when the judges were livid about Shannel juggling.


Team Serena ChaCha - All that needs to be said about Serena has been said about Serena. I don’t love when the queens gang up on one person usually but this was totally warranted. Her runway outfit would’ve been fine if she just wore a yellow bikini bottom and ditched the flag.

I agree with Kristen Johnston, who by the way said everything l was feeling at all times and then some, Jade Jolie's impersonation of Delta Work was simplistic and crunchy. To quote Delta herself “a fat joke, that's so obvious.” Her runway look was cute, the girls are going to absolutely tear her apart in the future. As soon as she walked in the workroom with her innocent Southern belle drawl, we all knew she was trouble. I kind of adore that?

Roxxxy Andrews was spot on with her Mariah especially her haughty “over it” attitude Mariah would showcase. She gave mature Raquel Welch on the runway which was fine with me, I don’t mind mature as opposed to aged. There is a difference.

Jinkx Monsoon had me at her deranged cough-smile. I was eating her broke down showgirl version of Mimi Imfurst, smugly camp and appropriate. Her concept for Gaga meets Ava Gardner was striking but damned in the details. Just gotta spend a little more time at the MAC cosmetics counter at Macy’s. She’s so endearing, one of my favorites this season.

Alyssa Edwards was so Shangela, halleloo, end of catchphrases. From look to mannerisms, absolutely top 3 of that challenge. Girl is a professional even if she gets a little face crazy on the runway, but her use of posing did work in the group music number. I love how soap opera her and Coco Montrese get, it should be exhausting but so far it’s kind of fabulous. I doubt the crown snatching secret is all that exciting much like Willam and her boot from last season. Alyssa is the only one who since the first episode has been contextualizing Serena’s actions and turning the other cheek to her remarks. That takes serious prudence.

Team Detox - Coco's was by far the winner in my eyes, she was the only one who was natural with her speech without flubbing up and had the proper amount of drama-to-dialogue ratio. She's also the only one consistently pulling out memorable looks on the runway. But how she officially snatched my heart was her Mama Whoopi role she played for Monica as well as in handling Serena-gate. Tough love sprinkled was essential and delivered gracefully. Her studio responses of “I don't even know you like that” were killing me. Keep it up, dollface (but please let go of those fucking contacts.)

Detox did well though I think she’s capable of more. Loved her runway look which I would wear in a heartbeat. She got in her two cents on the Serena debacle and yes, educated does not necessarily imply college graduate. Look again at Willam. As my friend commented during the episode “when has anything good come out of a Florida university?” State.

Alaska, I admittedly knew was going to be problematic before she got to the show. She’s funny and relatively fashionable (albeit a bit safe on her looks), but she’s going to have Solange Syndrome forever.  I was okay with her Phi Phi but it seemed a bit easy. The end made so much sense, as if a girl-on-girl make out hasn’t been used to save careers before.

Monica Beverly Hillz and the drama. On a personal level, good for her. On the RPDR soap opera secret component, enh. Shouldn’t we save that kind of exploitation for one of those Housewives shows? The second she said “I have a secret” I thought, “she better have a drug problem because if she’s trans I’m gonna be so pissed.”
Apparently the internet has been losing their shit about her status being against the rules or something. It’s a “drag” competition before it’s a “female impersonation” one, plus the transgender community has been intricately connected to the drag queen community since its inception as an artform. Plus 2 RPDR alum came out as trans on the show and nobody bat an eyelash. It’s cool, girl. At least she turned it out in the lip-sync and we could say BGB to Serena before her eyes were gouged out with Iron Fist platform stilettos.

The Lip-Sync:


Boy, does this photo explain a lot.

I was surprised by Monica, she was totally fluid and appropriate with the song. It was deliberate and no waffling around. Serena was doing the desperate dance girls who know they’re going home do although she at least kept her wig on. My friend noted she’s the Milan of this season.

Don’t love this Rihanna song but they made up for the travesty of what they did to Miley Cyrus. The fact you could hear Detox shout “Yes Monica!” was the nail in the car on fire for Serena.



Disdain sponsored by Absolut Mandarin Vodka

Ivy Winters reveals she cannot remember Serena’s name. Coincidence since I don’t remember her unless a high schooler going to prom with a DIY duct tape purse walked by or for the confusing Jimmy Neutron drag king hair he sports. All that stands out is the fascinating woodchuck voice that Ru uses to pronounce her name (seriously, WHAT is that a reference to? It’s lost even on me.)

Predominately necessary shade during the guess-the-queen game and the word “banjee” is brought back again from the archives.


This ain’t grammar school, put yo arm down

Support for Monica and a crack at Serena that broke the room and sound barrier. Instead of waiting until the laughter died down, Serena had to scream and force herself to be heard i.e. say more nonsense that was gonna make people want to murder her and toss her body in a swamp, never to be discussed again. She was getting so close to being that stereotypical blond white girl racist in black teen films who tries to flip her uneven layers for punctuation. “I mean, let’s speak like intelligent people, I don’t speak ‘gangster’,” her character would say while making air quotes, her thick French tips bouncing off the morning sun. Does anyone feel guilty for enjoying the ravenous “ghetto” fest that went down? Also, what books should I be reading? I’m thinking this or this.

It was a pile on that will remain infamous.


- I’m glad Jinkx kept it 100 and didn’t have to try to do a ridiculous bodysuit that made fun of the juicy gals. Drag is often a plus sized bitch world which the show doesn’t reflect that (or at least most of the famous broads.)

- Can someone tell Honey Mahogany to work on the midday shade that is casted on her face? At least it was intentional this time but it’s coming off a little SVU at the ICU. At least the makeup was intentional because normally she looks like a middle aged Daphne Maxwell Reid if an eraser were dragged across her face.

- On judging Mz. Coco’s outfit, “Because there are so many mirrors that catch up with the light.” …Serena, when has that ever been a bad thing in drag? This isn’t RuPaul’s Outdoor Photography Lighting Technician Race

- Kristen Johnston Season 6 judge to replace Santino if he doesn’t stop worrying what people think about him and getting back on his game.

- Juliette Lewis and her “can we say whip on television?” was adorable, though when her “I dabble in acting” joke was not followed by laughter, it brought me immense pleasure. Still love you, girl. Her little dance along warmed some of my very dead soul.

- RuPaul’s boy outfits have significantly overshadowed her girl outfits. I get your tailor is tired for having to draft patterns so fast, but damn, turn up the volume.


Girl, I feel you.

I’ll try to be nicer in the future…

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