The Devil’s Advocate: Death Valley is where I want my summer vacation
Images via poptower and MTV
“You’re going to love Billy.” Diane warned me numerous times.
I was hesitant as I am every time she wants to watch something, because I am a delicate flower that wants to be wooed into watching a show.
And it was love, a deep wistful love that can only be had for idiotic, douchy bro characters.
I thought Death Valley was a show comfortably renewed for another season but apparently there has not been any news about it so thus I considered it my duty to put my plea in there.
If you don’t know about the show on MTV, it’s a sitcom in response to the supernatural creatures phenomena but less about drama than it is everyday situations. It’s been marketed as “COPS meets True Blood and The Walking Dead”. The mockumentary centers around the UTF (Undead Task Force) and in true COPS format, has a camera guy primarily following 2 sets of partners as well as the captain and a rookie dealing with zombies roaming the local donut shop, werewolves shooting pornos during a full moon and vampire prostitutes. I mean their co-executive producer is named Spider One! That’s Law & Order SVU’s Speed Weed certified!
People you might recognize: Mad TV’s Bryan Callen as Captain Frank Dashell, Lost & Malcolm in the Middle’s Tania Rayonde as Officer Carla Rinaldi and Popular’s Bryce Johnson as Officer Billy Pierce (<333).
The bromances on this whole show are equally enchanting. Carla + Jon Jon (Texas Battle), Billy + Stubeck (Charlie Sanders). They’re incredibly endearing and cavalier about dropping a ton of quotable one-liners while they’re shooting zombies in the head. It takes the sci-fi element but keeps it casually approachable and involves a lot of improv so the chemistry of characters and the writing form organically. The use of spot-on improv is most evident in Captain Dashell’s somewhat-accidental, sexually lascivious overtones that are present in his odd monologues.
There’s certainly a larger dramatic arc that’s forming with the zombies and vampires as well as love interests if that’s your thing, but predominately the show is about goofy characters that beat shit up and say funny stuff. It’s all I want and ever crave (aside from gorgeous clothing of course, but they’re cops so it’s uniforms and white ribbed tank tops). Although I could do less of the rookie Grrrrrrrsten, her character is pretty tedious and too much of a goody goody. Other than that factor, who knew that slapstick and comedy would work with cops stomping a zombie’s head out? …Aside from Shaun of the Dead.
Please, please renew this show, MTV. I already saw the actors are doing other projects, Bryce Johnson is starting some new show about a teen girl who texts herself in the future. Please don’t subject television to that and any possible teen girls who are bored between moustache bleachings and might watch.
Potent Quotables:
Stubeck: “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
Billy: “I French kiss my mother with this mouth.”
Billy: “Yeah? And my policy is to take my shirt off when it’s hot as balls out.”
Stubeck: “Why are you always comparing things to balls?”
Billy: ” ‘Cause balls are hot, and they smell bad. Anyway, today it’s all wife-beater all the time.”
Stubeck: “Don’t call them that. I have a wife whom I respect.”
Billy: “What do I call them, then?”
Stubeck: “White, ribbed tank tops. That’s what they’re called. Read the package.”
Billy: “Read my package.”
Stubeck: “No, I can’t read your package. There’s no letters on it.”
(holding the door to the outdoor garden closed)
Jon Jon: “I think they left.”
(zombies walk around the door frame)
Jon Jon: “Run?”
Carla: “Why do you always tell me you’re in good shape?”
Jon Jon: “Do I?”
Carla: “Yeah, kind of. I mean, come on, I see you every day. I know you’re in good shape.”
Jon Jon: “Oh, so you, uh… You noticed?”
Carla: “Yes, Jon Jon. You have a nice body.”
Jon Jon: “Thank you.”
Carla: “Now, is there something you want to say to me?”
Jon Jon: “Thank you for noticing I have a nice body?”
Dashell: “She’s not saying what birthday, but, uh, I would gather that it’s probably been a couple years since your quinceañera. Am I right, Rinaldi?”
Carla: “Captain, you know I’m not hispanic, right?”
Dashell: “If I did, I sure as hell I wouldn’t tell you.”
(Confused look by Carla)
Dashell: “Anyway, let’s throw a little extra love Carla’s way. Let’s make sure it’s appropriate love. No full-mouth kissing, no crotch mashing. Any of you sacks want to give Carla a hug, you bend at the waist like an A-frame house.”
Jon Jon: “Damn right, captain.”
